So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
