Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize