I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
