I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
