i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
