recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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