i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
