I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
