you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
