Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
