The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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