Screwed.edu
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
