I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
