He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
