found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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