3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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