is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
