I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
