so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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