After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm having to shit out rocks
His nipple licking is glorious
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