Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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