you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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