no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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