Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
