No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
