After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
