I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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