dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
