six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
