next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
