He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize