The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize