so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
