It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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