she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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