i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
