I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My feet surprised me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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