We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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