You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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