we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
