I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
