dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
