I wish I could teleport
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
