I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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