awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
