You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
