I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
