(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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