almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
