a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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