his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm bleeding and have questions
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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