I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
