After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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