Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He did a backflip because drugs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
