I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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