I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize