Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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