As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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