OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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