oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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