OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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