This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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