mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
