He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you remember whose house we're in?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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