I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
