He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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