We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
