Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
