Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
