Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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