You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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