I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
