Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
