I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize