Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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